My Inner Plea

It is dark …
And gloomy …
Sad and uncertain
Clouds of fear
Hover upon my heart
Thoughts of resentment
I cannot discard…

There’s shame and worry,
Encompassing my soul.
I am Cursing myself,
and drowning …
in disappointment,
Losing hope
Can I make amends?

There are pieces of me,
Millions …
The shattered me screams,
Have Mercy! Trust me.
Give hope. Don’t Disown …
I am that troublesome child,
Yet, I am Your own!

I am your slave,
Oh Allah!
So what if Shaitan won?
So what, if I disobeyed!
Don’t let him win again,
Please forgive me,
Take me out of shame!

I besiege you my Rabb!
I know, I have wronged You,
Only You know me,
You know my heart,
I know, I have done this before,
Yet again accept me,
I beg You for Mercy, once more!

I am ashamed,
Too much to stand,
Before You!
I can’t gather the courage,
To bring my soul,
In front of You, Ya Rabb!
Please make me whole!

I am fearful,
And speechless,
I try to obey,
But Shaitan wins,
I am made to think …
Do I even love You my Lord?
Yes, only to You I cling!

I fall,
I hurt myself,
I get up consoling my heart,
Even if this world,
Abandons me, leaves me out!
You my Rabb, will always be there,
To hear me shout!

Oh Allah,
You are my true love,
My last hope,
My sincere apologies,
For being the ‘Me,’
The one who goes astray!
Please guide me to a way,

That would lead me,
Straight to You, My Lord,
My heart is squished,
My soul is injured,
My mind is numb,
I call upon you for Mercy!
To You, Oh Allah, I succumb!

Khudaija Nagaria
February 20, 2016

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Khudaija Nagaria

A teacher by profession, an MBA by degree and a student of religion, Khudaija Nagaria found refuge and happiness writing, using her passion for serving Islam. Being a freelancer she writes for different magazines and forums. So far her articles and poems have been published in prestigious magazines such as Dawn, Hiba, Sisters, Muslimaat, Aaila and Young Muslimah Magazine, and websites such as Moments of Perfect Clarity, Quran Reflections and Muslim Moms. Khudaija also served as contributing editor and marketing manager for Muslimaat Magazine from January 2014 to January 2015. She is an active member of Muslimah Writers Alliance (MWA). She prays her writing be a means of Sadaqa e Jaariyah for her deceased parents.

Latest posts by Khudaija Nagaria (see all)

• Eternal Longing - April 10, 2017
• Dawn of the Night - July 5, 2016
• My Inner Plea - March 9, 2016